The story he began with was short and concise. I really like how
it is short and to the point because it obviously displays the topics that he
is going to cover in the rest of his speech. It also gives a very good example
of how everyone does have a story, which is what his thesis states in the line
below. I am not sure if actually stating the lines “I believe” is absolutely necessary
in this sort of speech, but he incorporates it very well. It clearly states the
overall purpose. From the introduction onward, I do not see his train of
thought or organizational purpose. He goes from talking about how he loves to
find out people’s story to explaining how he believes everyone deserves
respect. I simply don’t see the connection. He needs to connect the two topics
more and elaborate. After this confusing connection, he proceeds to rant on how
internet arguments often lead to confrontation in person. Once again, I simply
do not see why he feels the need to input this into his essay about respecting
people. A part of me could see his point being that you can find out people’s
stories and connect with them online. That makes sense to me, but where he
loses me is when he begins to tell us how to use the internet responsibly. I
feel like he has a good point, but it does not add to the essay. He also needed
to expound his conclusion more. I don’t see why it is selfish to treat people
with respect. Nothing in his essay prior to this backs up this claim and he
kind of throws it upon us in the last sentence. Overall I thought this was a
poorly done speech that had an interesting story, but was also all over the
place, with no apparent organization.
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