I Believe

            For me, high school was scary situation where all my best friends from grade school and I were moving forward into a whole new environment. I was intimidated by the new high school I was going to be attending, and weary of the changes in my life that would occur because of it. What worried me the most was losing the people I had called my friends since kindergarten. Just as I had expected, December of my freshmen year came around and I found myself hanging out with a crowd that I wasn’t proud to call my friends. Bad decision after bad decision led to me hating the new crowd I hung out with and missing the connection I had with my buddies from grade school. I came to the realization that if I didn’t straighten the road I was following my high school days were going to be filled with detentions and shameful conversations with mom and dad.

Over the summer heading into sophomore year, I continued searching for something to happen that would help change the way I was living my daily life. Little did I know what lay ahead of me. On January 10, 2010 the answer to my questions came in the most tragic event I have ever experienced. While sitting in my room, I received a call from Hans, a guy I couldn’t live without. Instead of hearing a friendly greeting, all I head were his words choking on his tears. After minutes of trying to form a sentence, I finally gathered from him that Vincent, our guitar playing, fun loving, happy as could be friend from grade school had shot himself and was no longer with us. I felt my heart drop as I realized that one of the guys I had spent so much time with throughout my life and had played basketball with not two hours before, had purposefully ended his own life.  

The next few days left me searching for the answer everyone was looking for: why? Close to three years have passed and I’m still looking for a reason. Because an answer seems impossible to come across, I believe there is another lesson to be learned.

I believe in celebrating a life rather than mourning.

Reunions and events remembering his life sprouted up all over our community in the weeks after his death. With no one else to turn to, I found comfort in the guys who were struggling with the same problems I was, my grade school friends. We expressed our sorrows as well as meaningful stories of Vincent all over his Facebook wall. His wall was our place to tell him the things we never could. It was where we went to commemorate, to share our feelings, and to celebrate his accomplishments. Vincent’s social identity allowed everyone that he knew to connect with him even after he had passed away. Not only did his wall connect myself with Vincent, it allowed me and my old friends to form a new bond; one that was and still is centered around his life. I am so thankful that I had Facebook to express my feelings with, and it ended up allowing me to turn my life around with my old friends by my side.